


Willow's Valentines

by JenniferEsther



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13693914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferEsther/pseuds/JenniferEsther
Summary: Willow has realized she may have feelings for Giles rather than Xander.NOT a Wllow-Xander romance despite the title of chapter one.





	1. Valentine from Xander

**Author's Note:**

> Set immediately after "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered", the Valentine's episode.  
> These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, The WB, and Mutant Enemy. The story is mine.  
> Note: written 1998, posted now better late than never, feedback always welcome.

 

Part 1: Valentine from Xander

 

 

"Wil, Wil, come on we have to talk!" Xander pleaded as he followed a retreating Willow down the high school hall.

 

"Who says so?  I don't," she shot back as she headed for the sanctuary of the library.

 

"Buffy says so," he answered catching up to her.

 

"And you always have to do what Buffy says, don't you?"  Willow flung open the library door.  She reddened as it bounced off the wall with a loud crash.

 

She slunk through the doorway and Xander careened in after her.  "I do not always do what Buffy says.  I didn't take her up on her Valentine's present, did I?"  Willow looked away from Xander, seeking Giles' comforting presence.  "If you think your tame librarian's going to save you from this talk, forget it.  He's in that non-teaching staff meeting.  Personally, I think the whole math department should be there too."

 

Willow whirled to face Xander.  "He's not my tame librarian," she answered hotly.

 

"Ha, you have him wrapped around your finger and you know it.  You're the only one of us he really approves of," Xander said.  "But that's not what I came here to tell you about.  I came to talk about the draft."  Willow looked at him blankly.  "Alice's Restaurant."  She gave him a small amused smile.  "That's my Willow," he encouraged.  Her face hardened again at hearing this endearment.  "Come on, you know we've both wallowed in the fetid miasma of unrequited love.  I got tired of it and started getting on with my life; I thought you did too.  Except then you got all Lizzie Borden on me."

 

"I had every reason for that" Willow retorted.  "How can you want a girl you've hated for years more than you want me?"

 

Xander grabbed her by the arm and sat her down in a chair.  "I don't know but I do.  I do know I hurt you, but Oz has already socked me for it."

 

Willow looked up "Yeah, that was sweet of him, but he's just not ...you."

 

"To most people that sounds like a recommendation," Xander quipped as he hopped up to sit on the edge of the table.

 

Willow couldn't help it.  She reached her hand out to touch his knee "no, you're..."

 

Xander cut her off as he laid his hand over hers "I'm not getting down on myself.  I just mean I never knew what you saw in me.  I'm nothing like any other guy you've ever liked, except for being so suave and sophisticated of course.  Seems like we've been friends forever.  Sure we wanted to get married in kindergarten but you broke up with me.   In first grade you were already chasing Mark Gordon.  Caught him by the monkey bars a time or two. And then last year suddenly, boom, your feelings change. What happened?"

 

"I was only playing tag with Mark Gordon."

 

"Whatever you say."

 

"I remember the exact instant I fell for you," Willow said looking happy and dreamy.  "It was sophomore year.  We came out of here, the library, and I realized how wonderful you were.  How I knew you so well and how safe I felt with you."

 

Xander wore his I'm-thinking-hard look.  "You fell for me because I was safe?  I'm no Freud, but was this just after Buffy got here and we found out we were living on the Hellmouth?"

 

"No, no it was way before Buffy came," she insisted.

 

"Are you sure?" Xander scrunched up his face.  "I don't think I was ever in the library before Buffy came.  Now of course I spend all my quality time here."

 

"Don't you remember?" Willow asked plaintively.  "Our annual first day of school drag Xander to visit the library tradition?  We met Giles?"

 

Xander's face lit up like he had just passed a pop quiz.  "Oh, riiiiiiight. You were so embarrassed by meeting his Britishness, probably forgot to curtsy, that you ran out without checking out your book.  I had to tell him who you were.  Both you and Giles blushed beet red for, I don't know, half a minute.  He looked like he was going to keel over.  I've never seen anything like it.  It was hilarious.  How could I forget that?"  Xander cracked up and Willow snatched her hand back.

 

How could I have forgotten that, Willow wondered.  Memories came rushing back.  Sensations overwhelmed her.  A glimpse of Giles.  A feeling of being transported to the shelves without conscious volition as she focused on him.  Determination to be near him.  His voice, warm and full and sensual.  Looking deep into his eyes she saw hidden depths of passion and violence.  The spicy, musky scent he wore.  They loved the same books, joy.  The touch of his hand on hers as he gave her a book.  Then burning fever.

 

In her vision she saw her exit from the library, trembling from the chill that followed her flush.  She saw Xander come toward her.  And she saw her mind crash into the knowledge of feelings for Giles and rebound onto Xander. Willow sat staring up at Xander, shocked.  He finally sobered and noticed she wasn't talking.  She seemed stunned.  "Wil, are you O.K.?  I'm sorry, I never should have brought this up.  We've been avoiding this for a year and that worked.  It didn't work great, but it worked, and now I talk and I laugh at you and ... please say something."

 

"You are Freud," Willow answered in a daze.  "Thank you. I think."  She wandered out of the library leaving a confused Xander behind.

 

"Well that was as weird as I hoped it would be," he muttered.

 

 

 


	2. Valentine from Giles

Willow left the library in a daze.  She didn't realize she was wandering the hallways during the middle of a class period, a practice strictly forbidden by Principal Snyder.  She was shaking. 

The vision of herself and Giles she had just experienced made her feel like she was in the midst of an earthquake.

 

She couldn't keep her mind off Giles.  Had all the time she had spent in the library been to see him?  Could she really be that attracted to him and not be conscious of it?

 

Was she just admitting that there would never be anything between her and Xander?  But the reasons she had loved Xander, because he was nice and normal and safe and not a sexual threat, those weren't the real Xander.  Well, he wasn't a sexual threat to her, but she had warped him into what she needed.

 

Staring vacantly, she drifted around a corner and ran straight into a solid form.  Giles grabbed her by the arms.  "Willow."  He stepped back quickly from her, dropping his hands.  He looked at her intently; then, deeply concerned, asked "Willow, are you all right?  You're shivering.  Should I take you to the nurse?"

 

Willow looked up at him in stupefaction.  What was going on between them?  Was he concerned about her personally or just as a Slayerette?  She had to get away.  "I think I need to go home" she whimpered.

 

Giles answered immediately, "I'll take you.  Do you have a jacket?"  Willow shook her head no so he removed his suit jacket and draped it around her shoulders.  Then he carefully ushered her out to his car.

 

Willow sat silently in the tiny car as Giles drove her home.  His jacket surrounded her with his scent.  She couldn't think clearly. 

 

When they arrived at her house she sat immobile.  Giles came around and opened her door.  He held out his hand to help her out.  Willow looked at it for a few seconds before grasping it, acutely conscious of this touch.  She felt the warmth of his hand, the smoothness of his palm, a bit of roughness at the knuckles, a small callous from the way he held his pen.  She focused on Giles' hand as if it held her whole future.

 

Then she was out of the car and he was slowly letting go of her hand.  She wanted to grab his hand back but he was looking colder and more withdrawn than usual.  Instead she said "Thank you."

 

Giles forced a smile.  He stood and watched her till she got to her front door.  "Can you come in?" she asked quietly.

 

"No."  To cover his bruskness he added, "Call if you need anything."  He hurried to the car and drove off.

 

Willow was still clutching his jacket around her as she stumbled to her room. Maybe she just had a crush on Giles.  A crush on a teacher, that's normal, Willow thought, like Xander and praying mantis woman.  Did a crush feel like this?  She'd had crushes before and, no, they didn't feel like this.  Besides why would she need to repress a crush? 

 

A crush would explain the dreams she'd been having about Giles.  She'd put them down to a need for stability and authority in her life.  If she'd had those dreams about Xander or Oz or anyone else, she would have known they were about attraction, not authority. Willow blushed.  They weren't really that kind of dream.

 

 


	3. Valentine from Ms. Calendar

 

 

Willow fell onto her bed.  She laid curled and sobbing, still clutching Giles' jacket around her.  She didn't know why she was crying now.  Xander hadn't told her anything about his feelings for her, or for Buffy, or for Cordelia, that she didn't already know.  Xander had made her see that her feelings for him were only a mask for her deeper feelings for Giles.  The shock of that knowledge overwhelmed her.  She cried for the loss of the innocence she had before the Slayer and the Watcher came to Sunnydale.  It'd begun with the death of her friend Jesse and culminated when she had killed her first vampire.  She was stronger now, but sometimes she didn't want to be strong.

 

Well, neither did Buffy want to be strong all the time, or Giles.  They were fighting undead evil and all she had to deal with were her emotions.  Willow gave a mental shake and sat up.

 

Carefully smoothing Giles' jacket she laid it on her pillow with an ironic smile.  Not quite black leather.  And she'd have to give it back.  But, for an evening she could dream.

 

Better get my homework done before the troops descend to cheer me up, Willow thought.  I'm in a crappy mood, might as well do whatever I've been putting off the longest.  That's my program for Calendar's class.  I just can't concentrate in that class anymore.

 

She moved to her PC.  Instead of flicking on the power switch she hauled off and slapped the machine.  In a flash she realized how much she wanted to slap Jennie Calendar for hurting Giles and how much she wanted to slap her for having the power to hurt him.

 

Willow had known she hated seeing Giles and Ms. Calendar together. When she saw them together she couldn't think of anything else.  If she hadn't had a reputation for dreaminess her friends would have suspected something.  Knowing they were together gave her a cold feeling of abandonment in the pit of her stomach.

 

She'd put it down to worrying about Giles possibly being distracted from watching. She was a champion worrier, but that didn't explain the pain that lanced through her heart when she saw Ms. Calendar and Giles laugh or argue together.  The way he struggled for words to speak to Ms. Calendar made Willow want to scream "Just don't talk to her, talk to me!" even though he was no more articulate when he talked with her.

 

Willow would have lost it again if Buffy hadn't shown up just then to drag her off to the Bronze.

 


	4. Valentine from Buffy

Buffy and Willow sat at a table in the Bronze watching Xander dance with Cordelia. Buffy sighed. "Well, I guess only one of us can have a love life at a time." She saw Willow looked hurt and confused. "God, Willow, I'm sorry. Where is Oz tonight?"

"He's kinda tied up tonight."

"Huh?" Buffy looked confused.

"You know, full moon?"

"Oh. Right. Heavy bondage. You ever -"

Willow immediately shouted "NO. I mean, uh ..."

"Never mind."

Willow rocked back and forth on her stool to get up the nerve to speak. "Speaking of love lives, what about Giles and Ms Calendar? They seem to be speaking again."

"That bitch was never meant for Giles," Buffy growled. "Even before we found out she was a lying witch, he told me."

 

Willow leaned in over the table. "Told you what?"

"That she couldn't qualify as a lifemate. He even let slip that he shared the blood bond with someone else."

"What's a lifemate? And a blood bond? Is that like drink a vampire's blood three times and you'll love him?" Willow bent closer to catch every word of Buffy's reply.

"No, it's a watcher thing. He wouldn't explain much. A lifemate is like a wife and apparently a blood bond is how you pick one out. But it's something more than that too. I think it has something to do with sex and that's why he wouldn't talk about it." Buffy was speaking low. "Giles did say the blood bond thing was so intense he nearly passed out.

Willow felt sick. Giles had another love. She hunched over clutching her stomach.


	5. Valentine from Cordelia

As Willow sat nursing her aching stomach and her wounded heart, Cordelia and Xander came back to the table from their dance.  Cordelia looked intently at Willow.  "Are you O. K.? You look peeked, well more than usual.  Is it that time of the month?  I have some great herb tea or some prescription strength Motrin."

 

Xander and Buffy stared at Cordelia.  Then they turned and looked at Willow.  She was blushing and trying to sink under the table.  "I've got to go home" she squeaked out."

 

"I'll take you" the other three chorused. Willow looked at them.  She couldn't stay around Buffy, and she wasn't comfortable around Xander yet.  "Just Cordelia, please." 

 

Buffy asked worriedly "are you sure you'll be safe?"

 

"Yes, I have my car.  We'll be fine.  I'll come back for you guys later," Cordelia stated with authority.  She grabbed Willow and dragged the unprotesting girl after her out of the Bronze.

 

Willow revived once they were outside the club.  She was ready to tell Cordelia she was fine but she didn't dare speak while the speed queen was driving.  When they got to her house Willow expected Cordelia to drop her off quickly but she parked the car and came up to the door.  Oh no, now she's going to try and nurse me when all I want is to be left alone thought Willow.  But she felt she had to  ask her inside at least.  "Would you like to come in? I don't really need any tea or anything."

 

"I didn't think so.  I just wanted to get you out of there before you freaked."

 

"Why would I freak?"  Willow tried to sound uninvolved.

 

"I saw how upset you were to see me dancing with Xander.  You had that, the only one I wanted loves another, look going on.  I honestly thought you were over Xander.  You're so into Giles now."

 

Willow was so shocked at Cordelia's knowledge that she sounded genuinely surprised.  "Giles?  I'm dating Oz."

 

Cordelia looked at her as if Willow was the crazy one.  "I thought Oz was just your beard."

 

"My beard?" Willow asked incredulously.

 

"You know, like the girls that gay actors date so they can get macho roles," Cordelia explained.

 

"I know what a beard is," Willow said in an offended tone.  "But why would I need one?"

 

"Come on, I see you watch Giles all the time.  You spend all your time in the library.  The way you look at him when he gives us our little lectures is, like, ill-making.  Almost as bad as the way he's always sneaking glances at you.  It's obsessive.  But if you two want to have a sick obsessive relationship, who am I to talk?  Just don't bother to deny it to me.  I know. Okay?"

 

Willow stood staring at the alien lifeform inhabiting Cordelia's body.  "Look" Cordelia said testily, "I'm only telling you this for your own good.  Cause if you and Giles don't cool it, I'm not going to be the only one to notice, no matter how many boys you date."  She left the front door open on her way out.

 

Willow managed to wander over and shut the door after Cordelia's queenly exit.  Is she nuts?  Willow wondered.  Is she seeing things that aren't there?  Or did Cordelia see the real truth?

 

Maybe Cordelia's first impression was right.  Maybe her feelings at the Bronze were about Xander.  No, she hadn't given a thought to Xander after Buffy started talking about Giles.

 

Could Giles be aware of her?  Never!  Except he was.  She knew he was even before Cordelia mentioned how he watched her.  He treated her with concern and consideration that he never extended to Xander and not even always to Buffy. Maybe he only treated her differently because he could sense her attraction and was uncomfortable.  He looked awfully guilty when they were found alone if that's all it was.

 

An emotionally exhausted Willow managed to drag herself to her room before she collapsed.

 

 


	6. Valentine from  Oz

Part 6 Valentine from Oz

 

At school the next morning Willow sat in the lounge.  She wasn't ready to hang with Xander and Buffy in the courtyard.  She definitely wasn't ready to face Giles in the library, especially as she had neglected to bring his jacket back. She sat staring at her can of Coke.  If she had seen Oz approaching she would have run.  When he put his arm around her she flinched before she realized who it was. She couldn't turn her face to him.  He ended up kissing her on the cheek although he had been aiming for her lips.

 

"Hi, how are you this fine morning" he asked.  "Did I miss any doings last night?"

 

"Nothing really, I didn't feel good at school so Giles took me home.  Then I didn't feel good at the Bronze so Cordelia took me home."

 

"Whoa, are you okay?"

 

"Physically I'm fine."  She tried to give him a bright smile but ended up with a grimace.

 

"How's your mental health, then?"

 

"Well, the good news is, I'm over Xander."  She managed a weak smile.

 

"That's great, but I sense bad news."

 

Giles walked into the lounge area from the direction of the library.  Barely pausing at the entrance he made his way over to Willow and Oz. "Willow may I speak to you?"

 

"Sure" she said slowly, looking at him with trepidation.

 

"Privately?"  Giles was almost sarcastically.

 

"Oh, okay."  She got up and they went to the other side of the lounge.  I wonder what I did to deserve that tone of voice, she thought.

 

"I just needed to be sure you were all right after yesterday."  He was speaking normally now although a bit quickly.

 

"I'm still a little shaky."

 

"You shouldn't be here.  Let me take you home again."  He put his arm around her.

 

"No ... I'm fine, really."

 

"Are you certain?"

 

"I'm sure."

 

"Promise me you'll let me know if you need a ride, or anything else."

 

"I promise."

 

"Right then, take care of yourself."  Giles pulled his arm away and left abruptly.

 

Willow took a deep breath and made her way back over to Oz.  She sat down and looked at him sadly.  "I told you I'm over Xander.  But the bad news..."  She took another deep breath and tried again. "The bad news is ...."

 

"The bad news is Giles," Oz finished for her.

 

"How'd you ...?"

 

"I'm real sensitive to pheromones and territoriality right now."

 

"Oh, Oz, I don't know how I feel about him.  I don't know how he feels about me.   I can't believe I'm talking to you about this.  I'm sorry.  I'll shut up now."

 

"No, talk to me" he cajoled.   Willow shook her head.  "Come on, welcome to the Hellmouth, where you can discuss anything with your werewolf boyfriend."

 

"You're not mad?"

 

"Look, I think we can be great together.  We can have a lot of fun together.  I never thought you were in love with me."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Get over being sorry, Willow.  You accepted me when you found out I was Teen Wolf.  I accept you no matter whom you love."

 

"I don't know if I'm in love with Giles.  I mean, I know I fell for Xander to repress what I felt for Giles, but maybe that wasn't love."

 

"What was it then?"

 

"Lust?" She whispered.  "Oz, when I first saw Giles it like nothing I'd ever felt before.  I couldn't think of anything but his body from the first glimpse I had of him.   I had to talk to him, to be close to him.  I wanted to taste him.  I loved the British professorial look he has.  With all that tweed I thought he'd smell like pipe tobacco but he smelled terrific, spicy and musky."

 

"You can remember how he smelled?"

 

"Yeah.  I was entranced."

 

"So what happened?  Why hasn't this come up before?  If you were so crazy for Giles what was this thing with Xander?"

 

"Xander was just a way of hiding my feelings for Giles.  Xander was so safe, so unthreatening, so  unobtainable."

 

"Unobtainable? Is that what you want in a guy?"

 

"I have a strong perfectionist streak.  Maybe Giles is just another unobtainable man."

 

"Then why use Xander to repress your feelings for Giles?"

 

"That's true.   Xander has always been unobtainable, and I've always been a perfectionist.  If all I wanted was to avoid a relationship, Giles didn't need to have anything to do with it."

 

"So you're saying you're still being unrealistic? I mean how well do you really know Giles?"

 

"Pretty well I think.  I seem to spend all my spare time in the library even when there's no crisis."

 

"No offense but you're a geek."

 

"I'm a 'computer geek.'  Normally I'd be working on my PC at home or I'd be in the computer lab."

 

"And the problem with the computer lab is?"

 

"No Giles.  I love talking to him.  Until I met you he was the only one I could talk to about things like music, and art, and ideas.  And how I felt about Xander."

 

"Believe me, I'm sorry to say this, but that sounds like us, and that sounds like friendship not love."

 

"I guess I trusted him."

 

"You felt safe with him."

 

"Safe with Giles?  No, there was always an edge.  If I got too close to him I think things would snap."

 

"What things?"

 

"My inhibitions?" She mused.  "His?  Oh God, what am I saying?  Just yesterday morning I was convinced I was in love with Xander"

 

"So why were you in love with Xander?  He doesn't love you.  He'll probably never love you.  Is he like your ideal guy for some reason the rest of us are missing?  What's your ideal?"

 

"My ideal?"

 

"From a purely intellectual standpoint."

 

"Oh that's easy.  Very intelligent, musical, possibly older, fair coloring, obviously not ugly but not movie star looks, maybe a bit other worldly.  She paused, then decided to bare it all. "Darn, this is embarrassing, I used to dream he'd be British."

 

"I'm out on that count, in on all the others.  Giles has it covered."  Oz had been making notes of what Willow was saying.

 

"Musical?"

 

"You haven't heard him sing?"  Willow shook her head.  "And Xander qualifies on which points?"

 

"Uh," Willow checks Oz's notes, "doesn't look like a movie star?"

 

"So you fell for Xander."

 

"Which was fine until Buffy got here.  It seemed like the crazier and more dangerous things got, the more I clung to Xander, and the more he wanted her.   Of course with Buffy around I got to see Giles, but I just treated him like a friend."

 

"So you still liked Xander over Giles?"

 

"There was no over.  I didn't even consider Giles."

 

"Come on, there must have been something.  What did you really think of Giles then?"

 

"Well, like, all the girls thought he was incredibly sexy for such an old guy."

 

"All the girls?"

 

"Well they must have.  I did."

 

"You picked Xander, who's never looked at you twice, over a guy you called incredibly sexy.  Sounds like real self-help territory.  You know what the shrinks would say."

 

"Yeah, they'd say, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of change, clinging to old ways, fear of intimacy."

 

"And would they be right?"

 

"There's sure no fear of intimacy with Xander because Xander wouldn't get intimate with me in a million years."

 

Oz finally noticed a bell ringing.  "Look, it’s time for class.  Should we skip out?"

 

"No, I don't think I can talk about this anymore."

 

"You know where to find me if you need to talk more?  If it's before sunset anyway."

 

"Thanks, Oz, you're a true friend."  Willow hugged him.

 

He thought as he hugged her back and gave her a small kiss on the nose, then watched her walk out of the lounge.  "Yeah, a true friend."


	7. Willow's Valentine to Herself

Willow's confusion was overwhelming.  When she got home she paced up up and back in the hall.  She wasn't going to go to her room and cry again.  Doing anything on the computer was unappealing.  She couldn't concentrate on homework or even TV.

 

She finally ended up in the kitchen making microwave popcorn.  She'd solved many problems over ice cream with Xander, or Buffy, or both, but now she needed to be alone.  She thought her nervous stomach might be able to cope with light airy popcorn and a seltzer.

 

She settled herself in the corner of the couch, in the den, and tried to think.  The fact that she had come so close to axing Xander over feelings that were hardly real sobered her.  She knew she was over Xander.

 

What about Giles? What were the things Buffy had mentioned, lifemates and blood bonds?  She had to know more. Now that she had a specific question Willow was ready to face the computer.  The computer was her domain and she wanted to reclaim it from thoughts associated with Jennie Calendar

.

Willow started with optimism; after all, she was queen of the net.  She tried every search engine.  She tried in Latin, Greek, even Norse, although they hadn't really hit that pantheon.  Lots on vampire blood bonds. Nothing on watcher blood bonds or lifemates. Really nothing verifiable on watchers.  They were a closed group.

 

She knew the Watchers Council had a computer from some email exchanges she'd had with them, but she'd never been able to hack it using her PC at home; their encryption seemed more complicated than one machine could crack in a couple of years.

 

If one computer couldn't do it, what about more than one?  Quickly she established a connection to the 40 PCs in the high school computer lab.  Surely that would make the problem tractable.  She started each of them working on a piece of the encryption cracking problem.  Impatient for results, she checked back in ten minutes to see how things were going.  A brief analysis of interim results left her with the conclusion that since the last time she'd tried it, the watcher network had increased the size of their encryption keys.

 

After playing with a spreadsheet for a while she figured she'd crack the network in the year 2008.  It seemed unfair, she thought.  If they'd stuck to the U. S. standard 40 bit encryption she'd have

cracked it faster than Buffy could stake a vamp.

 

She'd have to take her questions to Giles.  She had to know what he knew, what he thought.  But she couldn't face him until she understood her own feelings.  Sighing, she shut down all the

computers and retreated to her bed where she sat cradling Giles' jacket in her arms.

 

If it wasn't a crush, was it love?  Willow's heart answered yes.  She tried to be logical.  She'd said she loved his voice, she loved talking to him.  Did she love Giles?  Was she unrealistic in listing his virtues?  Did she idealize him or was she realistic about his flaws?  Honestly, she didn't think she was unrealistic. 

 

She knew he wasn't perfect.  He could be withdrawn and moody.  He tended to be secretive.  Parts of his past were pretty ugly, but she could understand how a shy young man could fall into the wrong crowd and be willing to risk raising a demon to keep his friends.  Giles reaction to the demon's reemergence had not been what she had hoped.  His running away and drinking hadn't helped.  But she had coped and had found a way to banish the demon.

 

Did she want to change him or did she accept him?  Willow knew she loved Giles as he was.  She wished so much that he would feel the same way.

 

She half-heartedly wished they could go somewhere and be alone, but she knew that could never happen.  The Watcher could never leave the Slayer; that was part of being a watcher.  She knew that in some ways a woman would always be second to the cause. 

 

Despite the drawbacks, oh, she wanted to be that woman. Could she be that woman?  Willow couldn't suppress the joy that bubbled within her at that thought.

 

Too bad Cordelia is the best Hellmouth shrink we have or I could have figured this out months ago, she thought.  Willow giggled to herself at the idea of describing her dreams to Cordelia.   "Now first I do that to him, then he puts his there, and I'm wearing that, and he's holding  ..."

 

Now it was so clear, so simple.  Well, except for the part about how Giles felt. She couldn't not let him know how she felt.  She'd tried that with Xander.  Now she knew why she hadn't been able to tell Xander but she also knew as a strategy it sucked.

 

Willow knew she loved Giles and she accepted her feelings.  Peace entered her heart.  For a few moments she was at one with the universe.

 

Soon enough doubts about what to say, and when, and what to do next entered her mind, but she retained the core of strength that self-knowledge had given her and she slept.

 

 


	8. Willow's Valentine for Giles

Willow's alarm clock woke her.  She was still dressed and her face was buried in Giles' jacket.  She had a smile on her face.  If reality was half as good as the dream she'd just had, she had to have him.

 

She dressed, as if preparing for battle.  She pulled her hair back out of her way.  She wore her army boots and a comfortable skirt, and if her blouse had an extra button undone it was just so she could take deep breaths.

 

She set out early so she could walk alone.  When she arrived at school she was pleased to see that Giles's was the only car in the lot.

 

He looked mildly apprehensive as she entered the library by herself.  Backing away from her toward the study table he asked "Where are the others?"

 

Willow kept walking closer to Giles.  "They're not here.  I need to talk to you alone," she said nervously.

 

Giles was quickly picking books up off the table, ready to go to the rescue.  "What kind of trouble are they in?"

 

"None, everyone is fine," Willow said, exasperated.  "I just need to ask you some questions."

 

Giles relaxed into his professional stance.  "Yes, is there a book you can't find?  Though usually you just check the computer."

 

Willow took a deep breath.  "No.  I want to know about the blood bond."

 

Giles staggered back.  "Who told you about that?"

 

"I saw it in some of my research, but it wasn't explained.  It's a watcher thing, isn't it?  Something to do with sex?"  Willow asked in the calmest voice she could manage.  Determination made her sound almost normal.

 

Giles fell into the chair at the head of the table and croaked out, "Something, yes."  

 

Willow instinctively moved to help him but he motioned her back.  "Tell me and I won't have to look it up on the computer."

 

Her empty threat worked.  "The blood bond serves to guide a watcher in the choice of a lifemate."  Giles was trying to use his usual style of lecturing, but he was still slumped in his chair.

 

"You mean a wife?"  Willow moved a bit closer to him.

 

"Not necessarily.  A watcher and his or her lifemate needn't actually marry, but both are unable to marry anyone else."  Giles was in good lecture form now, sitting up straight.

 

Willow asked intently, "unable how?"

 

"If a watcher were to attempt marriage to anyone else that person would die before the ceremony was complete."

 

Willow was fascinated.  "That's pretty unable."

 

Giles summed up, "Precisely.  So you see ..." as he started to get up.

 

Willow pinned him with her eyes.  "No, I don't see.  The blood bond is a guide, but how do you know you have a blood bond?"

 

Giles went back to his lecture, sitting stiff and upright in his chair.  "The blood bond marks the person who is the watcher's best choice for a lifemate in all the world.  When the two subjects first

touch, skin to skin,  a considerable fraction of their blood rushes toward their skin for approximately ten seconds."

 

Willow's heart leapt.  "You mean they blush?"

 

"In an extreme fashion."

 

Yes, yes her mind sang.  I am perfect for Giles.  She needed to know more.  "So, how do you choose a lifemate?"

 

Giles sank back in his chair.  "Well, I'm afraid that's where the sex comes in.  The lifemate is the first pure woman, or man for a female watcher, with whom a watcher ... has relations."

 

She had to be sure.  "Pure?  You mean morally pure, or do you mean virginal?"

 

"Ugh, a virgin."  Giles turned a bit red.

 

"You don't have one do you?  A lifemate?  A watcher has to right?"  Willow asked accusingly.

 

"Eventually, a watcher is obligated to form the bond.  I haven't yet."  Giles admitted.

 

"How eventually?"

 

The number 44 is sacred to watchers.  If the watcher hasn't chosen by that birthday, the council will select a lifemate on his behalf."

 

She barely managed to breathe out, "How?"

 

"I don't know," he answered morosely.

 

"How do you know it's her?"  Willow recovered a bit.

 

Giles was red faced again, shoulders hunching forward.  "Supposedly she just shows up in my bed and ...."

 

"Seduces you?"

 

Giles said nothing.  She thought he might not answer at all; then he said, almost too quietly to hear, "Yes."

 

"You're 43 now."

 

He seemed surprised that she knew.  "Until the end of the week."

 

"So you have until Friday to find your blood bond person and claim her or you get a stranger for a lifemate?"  Willow was determined to be clear.

 

"The blood bond isn't necessary.  I can choose any woman who meets the purity requirement; one who is appropriate for a high school librarian," Giles said forcefully.

 

Willow steadily closed the gap between them.  "I bet Ms. Calender doesn't qualify," she taunted.

 

Giles snapped at her, "No, but there are plenty of other ...."

 

Willow leaned forward.  "Good."  She kissed him.  His mouth had snapped shut in shock but as she continued contact his lips softened under hers.  When she touched her tongue to his lips he opened for her.  She had only a moment to explore before her balance became precarious.

 

She broke the kiss, straightened his tie, turned and sauntered to the library door.  As she left she called over her shoulder "See you on Friday."

 

The End  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look for further adventures of Willow and Giles in "Blood   
> Bond."


End file.
